15 Warning Signs of Sexual Sins

I got this handout in class, the notes are by Keith Drury based on his work counseling pastors who have fallen into sexual sin.  Below is his self test going from the “shallow end” to “deep end” (read in, Slow Fade by Casting Crowns.

  1. Sharing Common Interests
    • beware of natural affinities, they seem innocent but open the door to unneeded emotional attachments
  2. Mentally Comparing them with Your Mate
    • All comparisons are traps, you lose, the same goes with your church and the one down the road, your ministry vs my ministry, popularity, etc.
  3. Meeting Emotional Needs.
    • Fulfilling someone else’s or your emotional needs when and where you shouldn’t.  Intimacy is build through diversity, using someone you shouldn’t for support will lead down the path to destruction
  4. Looking Forward to Being Together.
    • You look forward to seeing them more than your spouse, kids, your interest is misplaced from projects to spending time with them.
  5. Tinges of Dishonesty with Your Mate.
    • You have the need to or do so just to “protect your spouse” from jealousy.   You feel innocent, so she doesn’t “need to know”
  6. Flirting and Teasing.
    • You know what this is.  It goes back to your days in High School or College, it feels good to be wanted and paid attention to.  Reserve that activity with your spouse alone.
  7. Talking About Personal Matters.
    • Discussing way more about your life than this person needs to know…  or your life,
  8. Minor Yet Arousing Touch, Squeeze or Hug.
    • Lingering too long, an extra squeeze or hand on the back when unwarranted.  Touch is a powerful tool.  It can raise kingdoms, often it destroys them.
  9. Special Notes or Gifts.
    • Lets face it.  This is courting.  Not cute nor friendly.  It’s devastating to your marriage.
  10. Inventing Excuses to Call or Meet.
    • Courting continued.  You figure out their schedule and arrange to be there.  You join a group or committee to spend time with them.
  11. Arranging Secret Meetings.
    • Rather than meet where you might see them naturally, you pick places where you can be “alone” even in crowded places, away from the leery look of those who would call you on your junk.
  12. Deceit and Cover-ups.
    • When you’re in this deep, you’re only recourse is to keep lying to keep this “good thing” going.
  13. Kissing and Embracing.
    • You are fully into a physical and emotional affair.  Its fresh as new love.  It proceeds much quickly than that.
  14. Petting and High Indiscretion.
    • Keith Quotes “It’s like being a teenager all over again.”  You let your hormones run wild, you do what you need to do to get your next fix and you need to keep going deeper in sexual sin to satiate your needs and desires.
  15. Sexual Intercourse.
    • You hit rock bottom (you may not get caught yet, but you need to discover you are at rock bottom.)  You may have torched your marriage, ministry and did substantial damage to the church you belong to.

  • What to Learn?
    • What are common links you discover from these people?
    • What words pop up repeatedly?
    • What lies are people believing?
    • Are you at one of these stages?


One Response to 15 Warning Signs of Sexual Sins

  1. Matt Murphy says:

    I would add another one: Facebook Stalking. Viewing someones facebook way too much and way inordinately compared to everything else you should be doing instead.

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