Marriage Series 2: Grace
Grace is more than eternal salvation
Grace = a card to let one off the hook.
When we work go find those nickels and dimes on our spouse and keep count of all the loose change we enter a game that neither party will ever win.
Grace is a relational word. Grace is critical for growth in marriage.
Couples are different accepting of differences help grace abound.
Allow mistakes. Your spouse is not your enemy. They aren’t trying to stick it to you.
When in a marriage covenant, we can get tricked into believing a forgetful episode or a small slight is an intentional insult. While they may need to be brought up and dealt with, dealing with it in a manner that says “I accept that you aren’t intentionally trying to be a jerk” is better than the attitude that assumes that they are…
Ask: Do I need to grieve who my spouse is NOT or is there an unrealistic expectation that needs to be forgotten? While no spouse is ever going to be perfect, our suped up imaginations may damage and harm the marriage that cannot be sustained by a real person.
Take your masks off deal with the realities of who each other is.
We are great at faking and role plays in many areas of our lives. In marriage, we need to deal more in the reality and core of the others being than a facade of who they need to be at that given moment in time.
Examine your life:
for differences and how each of your families of origin are different, not necessarily good or bad, but they help you bring in a culture that you miss the difference between insult/injury and a difference in culture and a difference in how the other would do something.
Difficulty in decorating a Christmas tree. Recognize how you decorate the tree differently and other family values.
Forgiveness is a reality.
Some parts of us don’t want to hear forgiveness messages. We want adversarial relationships. We want a it’s okay message. In reality we need to often accept forgiveness and give forgiveness to help heal the other and heal ourselves. Ignoring or trivialize it we actually hang up on it. When we forgive we allow God to become part of the solution.
When its not about forgiveness:
Name those things that really don’t matter and just move on. Sometimes there are quirks or preferences that come up in marriage. Sometimes these things just need to be accepted as they are, so both can move on. This is also a manifestation of grace.
Be a life giver. The more grace abounds, the more life you will find in your marital relationship.