Columbine Today from Toni DeAztlan on Vimeo.

I wasn’t there, but have the privilege of doing youth ministry near that School and where many of my students had siblings, and friends of siblings whose lives were directly impacted by that day.

12 years later, as a minister, I’m curious to know how many of us have the tools to deal with another Columbine style event near our campus.  I’ve already had to deal with 2 other school shootings since coming to Littleton, CO.

Some thoughts.

• Get trained in how do deal with this type of event.  Training through Denver Seminary CISM Team via ICISF is excellent and may open doors for your with administrators when crisis impact a school near you.
• Don’t self-deploy.  Police and other personnel on site are trying to figure out good guys vs bad guys.
  • Everybody needs credentialing to get into a scene like that these days.  Only go if you are invited in.
  • Being there wastes the time of the law enforcement’s time when they could be 1) Looking for other perpetrators 2) Saving lives.
• Have a plan so you can react and use your facilities as a base of operations.
  • Water, Tissues, and other supplies on hand to be able to help your local schools out. (offer this in advance).
  • Sermons, messages, to teach and preach from to be a pastoral caregiver from the pulpit during this time.
• Develop rapport with your local schools, let them know what you can do, and what other training or clearances you need to be helpful to them during those times.
  • This shows you care, and heightens the likelihood of you getting invited in after a crisis.
• Get Help for yourself and your staff/volunters.
  • After an event like this, you will be overwhelmed.  Resource out to caregivers like Denver Seminary’s CISM team, Southern Baptists Crisis Response, or Methodist Crisis Responders to get the care you need.
  • Better YET  JOIN ONE OF THE ABOVE AGENCIES TO HELP.  It’s hard, but very rewarding work.

I made a series of Goals for 2013

Goals were broken up into writing, personal and professional.  Below I’ll list my goals and share where they are at so far this year.

Goals for upcoming year:

Writing:

[X]        Get Published in Academic Journal.

Submitted one book review to Journal of Youth Ministries, was asked to review a second.  Also was asked to do research review for this same Journal.  This goal is moving along well.  I also want to submit an original article/lit review to AYME’s Journal of Youth Ministry or NACSW’s Christianity and Social Work.  Reading a book currently for JYM.  Going to review it next.  Have done a few personal reviews for Group/Simply Youth Ministry this past month.

[ ]        Post 12x Per Month to Engaging the Shadows of Youth Ministry.

I’ve posted over 20 articles in again in March.  Good work, getting into a flow.  #SYMC is helping me meet this quota by supplying material.

[ ]        Complete Youth Ministry Leaders Manual.

I’ve been using Mindenode pro to help organize this project.  I like the way it is looking, it is rather big right now, but am considering using Apple’s iBooks Author to develop this project.  This goal is on back burner for now.

Personal:

[ ]        Get Hired or Plan on Moving back to the Northeast.

I’ve applied to a few churches and one very exciting opportunity with Christian Union.  You should check their ministry out!   We’re also saving for a downpayment on our next house.  Not sure what our condo will do on this market, but don’t want to rely on it to succeed.  I’ve had two rounds of questionnaires and sent in references.  Back to the waiting game.  Praying hard for God’s will to be evident through this process.

[ ]        Read through Bible.

I’ve been doing very well in this goal.  I’m working with Reading God’s Story: One Year Plan from Youversion.com.  I’ve entered the reading for October, which means I’ve started the New Testament (a few chapters in).  I’m 78% complete with the entire Bible; 100% with the Old Testament.

[ ]        Continue wt loss goal; break through 200# barrier.

I’ve been plateauing, despite my effort before the new year and my lack thereof since, I’ve hovered between 40-50 lbs lost.  I’m hoping that getting back into the gym will kick off another spurt of weight loss.  Realized how much my workload and a regular schedule can make or kill this goal.  I’ve gained slightly and have not hit the gym or any classes as far as I can remember this past month (boo).

Professional:

[ ]        Recreate DenSemCISMTeam website.

The team is discussing renaming the group, so I’m not sure how quickly I’m going to move on this project until the team develops some clarity.  However, I may start some layout and figure out how to get this up and running quickly once it does happen.  We re-uped our annual godaddy contract this past month.  Been playing around with some ideas to make this work.

[ ]        Complete NIMS ICS 100 http://training.fema.gov/IS/NIMS.asp

I haven’t focused on this goal recently.  It’s still there and will need some dedicated study to complete.

[ ]        Complete NIMS ICS 700 http://training.fema.gov/IS/NIMS.asp

I haven’t focused on this goal recently.  It’s still there and will need some dedicated study to complete.

[ ]        Complete 1-2 Sermons per Month.

I’m playing around with a sermon on Philemon.  I’ve been more focused on my reading goal thus far, and also fasting/praying than this goal.  Been taking notes here and there which may end up as sermons later, but desire to make this a priority sooner than later.

 I’m Curious, How are you doing with your Goals for 2013? Resolutions?

Dear Lord,

Make me make you #1 in my life.
Orientation
In the midst of my sane and mundane life,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

Whether at work, church or home I pray,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When all is well in my house and with my spouse,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When good days appear and good friends draw near,
Make me make you #1 in my life.
Disorientation
In the darkest hours of depression and strife,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When I can’t sense you or your providence,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When those near attack and I can’t fight back,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When people fail and warriors wail
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When sleep flees, I fall to my knees;
Make me make you #1 in my life.

Reorientation
In morning’s glory, remembering your story,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When all turns clear and you feel near,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When I count the score and know you more,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When I understand and can take a stand,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

When I feel sound knowing you led me to higher ground,
Make me make you #1 in my life.

Make me make you #1 in my life,
Amen.

1. Links from Ministering To Teens in a “Porn is the Norm” Culture
2. Your Brain on Porn
3. Pornography’s effects on addict’s wives
4. 5 Apps for Managing Youth Ministry
5. What should an Ideal Pastor’s wife Be???
6. 10 Qualities of a Professional Youth Pastor (1-5)
7. 15 Warning Signs of Sexual Sins
8. Fleeing Temptation: Escaping to a life free of Pornography and other addiction
9. 10 Qualities of a Professional Youth Pastor (6-10)
10. Prayer for Porn Addicts and Brokeness Aside

8. Lack of Leadership.

Committees still need leaders.  Leadership in committees looks different.  (Perhaps this is an entirely different blog post for another time.)  Leaders who are good at listening, restating, and building a healthy consensus before moving on help the committee members both feel heard and feel they have a purpose for being there.

9. Too much consensus and hand-holding.

Leaders can spend too much time in committee building consensus and hand-holding.  While getting everyone on the same page and having people feel valued are important, too much just gets your committee paralyzed with fear (See #7 from yesterday).  Helping the team understand that full consensus is important, but not the ultimate value can at times help the team move forward.  Sometimes a leap of faith needs to happen and championed by the leader who has the vision to take the committee to the next step in their process.

10. Too Much!

Too Much is another way a good committee can fail.  Aiming too high at too many things at once.  (Think middle school boy at a dance) too many targets and he fails miserably navigating them all.)   Moderating what a committee does and spends their time on helps the group accomplish more in the long term.  Sometimes tasks need to be tabled so what is already in progress can get accomplished and vice-versa.   Having a good mission or purpose statement helps the committee avoid this problem when it is utilized well by the team leader.

4.  Lack of Goals

Lack of Goals do two things to a committee 1) make it aimless, which in turn kills any real progress.  2) Makes committee members lose interest in the committee and why they are there.  Not feeling a reason to be there will stop many people from coming to anything (even if you provide free food).

5.  Rehashing the same objectives

Committees have a knack for rehashing the same objectives for a few reasons.  1) people didn’t like the decision earlier made and want to change it (see #7), 2) Institutional memory is rather short in committees (Squirrel!) and the group doesn’t realize they already made this decision.  and 3) underlying fear of getting something done or taking action.  One reason committees are formed is to diffuse blame, when committees fear the same thing, they become paralyzed.

6.  Focusing on superfluous (nonsense)

Members of committees dread meetings because members often focus on trivial matters (which always seem vital to those talking about them).  Whether it is about a teacher getting reimbursed for a purchase of chalk or the color of a flyer that should have been done months ago, spending too much time on trivial matters drive people away from committees.

7.  Ambivalence and sabotage

Driven by Bowen’s Family Theory, Edwin Freeman’s “A Failure of Nerve” delves deep into the problem of Chronic Anxiety in organizations that drive ambivalence and sabotage in groups.  He names 5 reasons we have regressed emotionally and have become chronically anxious:

1. Reactivity: Vicious cycle of anxious reactions
2. Herding: Together, and adapting to the least mature member at all costs.
3. Blame displacement: its always someone or something elses fault, we have no control and we are all victims
4. Quick fix mentality: we fix symptoms.  We want pain killers, who cares if its cancer that needs to be fixed, as long as we have no pain, their’s no problem.
5. Lack of well-differentiated leadership: a failure of nerve that stems from and contributes to the first four.

Realizing that committees get hung up on the trivial for a variety of reason, leaders need to know how to wade through this in the committee form.

Committee: An organization that keeps minutes and loses hours.

With all humor comes truth, here are some nuggets to help you avoid Fail Committee

1.  Lack of follow through

Committees are teams, however everyone on the team needs to do their fair share.  Times when objectives are due need to be honored by the team.  Respecting fellow team members and completing tasks that were assigned help your group complete the objectives well.  Honesty is also required when something can’t be done on time so the team can step up if possible, rather than waiting for the meeting to discover you lost time, doing it before helps the team recover.

2.  Delegating with Acknowledgment

Secondary to the first, committee failure — along with many other types of failure — is due to a delegated task not getting done because the receiver doesn’t catch the pass that was thrown.  In hospital/social work we call it read back.  Meaning, the person on the receiving end reads back the order (request) so both parties understand what is to be done, when it is to be done by, and how/where it is to be done (if necessary).

3.  Meeting frequently enough to keep interest and momentum.

A separate area committees fail is that they do not meet frequently enough to keep momentum going.  Groups need a natural cadence to thrive.  Both inside a meeting and in between meetings.  Keeping things the same time and date helps people stay focused.  Committees often lose their firepower when they meet so infrequently, people lose interest and walk away.

Prayer for Those Struggling with Pornography by Scotty Smith

A Prayer for Grace in the Struggle with Pornography  

 

 Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? . . . Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Rom. 7:21–24, 8:1–2       Dear Lord Jesus, my heart is heavy this morning as I think about friends, and their spouses, living under the assault and in the enslaving grip of pornography. It’s a destructive storyline that seems to be growing with exponentially. I’m so thankful today (huge understatement) for the grace and truth of the gospel, as I pray about this issue and for vulnerable people just like me. 
     O Lord of resurrection and redemption, bring your mercy and might to bear in observable and hope-engendering fashion. Things impossible for us are more than possible for you. You have come to set captives free and to heal the brokenhearted. Pornography is creating an overabundance of both.
     Jesus, to friends somewhere in the pornography continuum of titillation to addiction, please reveal yourself in the deepest place of their hearts. Only your non-condemning love is sufficient for the guilt and shame that each of us must deal with in life—especially in the arena of our sexual brokenness.  
    Through your welcoming heart for sinners, grant the gifts of honesty and transparency, godly sorrow and gospel hope. Where pornography has desensitized our friends, re-sensitize them so they can see and feel the horror of their entrapment and more so—much more so—the wonder of your deliverance. May the cry, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” (Rom. 7:24), may that cry lead to an even greater cry, “Abba, Father!”
     And for friends married to someone in the talons of pornography, dear Jesus, theirs may be the greater pain and struggle. No one but you can help them with the anger, the disgust, the wound, the shame, and the mistrust that goes with this story. Help us walk with our friends who are right in the middle of this dark vortex. Show us how to validate their feelings without confirming hurt-driven conclusions. Bring patience and perspective, forbearance and faith.
     Only you can rebuild the trust. Only you, Jesus, can bring a willingness to hope again. Only you can heal the places in our hearts which have suffered the greatest violation and harm. Absolutely no one understands all this like you, Lord Jesus, and absolutely no one redeem these messes but you. 
     And for those of us whose sins seem to be less “Technicolor” than those who struggle with pornography or sexual addiction, free us from arrogance and a critical spirit; free us to grieve just as deeply over our sins and to hope just as fully in the resources for us in gospel; free us to be merciful as our Father is merciful towards us. So very Amen we pray with hope, in your great and glorious name. 

Scotty Smith
Founding Pastor
Christ Community Church
801 Highgrove Circle
Franklin, TN
37069

Brokenness Aside by All Sons and Daughters

Watching Teen Mom over the past few weeks had led me to several observations regarding this show.  I’ve heard some say that this show promotes promiscuity and gives teen girls the hope that they can be a “reality TV star” by getting pregnant at the age of 16.  Not sure if there’s any solid research backing this up or is it most likely conjecture. A major theme that I’ve picked out is that many of these moms were indoctrinated into the school of birth control and that you need to do this because 1) You will have sex anyway and 2) It is foolproof way to stop pregnancy and STD’s.

Is the message of birth control really working?

Behavioral conditioning is an area of cognitive-behavioral therapy that involves classical/operant conditioning to train and one of the biggest fields of this is Applied Behavioral Analysis (http://iaba.com/) Having been trained in this area, I understand why birth control often fails.  The reward in having sex (an orgasm) is the chemical release of oxycotin, vasopressin and endorphins are released in the brain.

Oxycotin, vasopressin and endorphins are all addictive.  Two of these are in the class of opiods which  is a major addictive chemical.  Hence, sex addiction, etc.  The difficulty with having teens (by nature impulsive) use birth control, is that in the heat of the moment, their lower brain functions override their higher brain functions and go for the addictive chemicals.  Which explains why those engaged in sexual intercourse Can’t Control Themselves.   Essentially, safe sex advocates give teens permission to go swimming as long as they don’t get wet.   Sex is as addictive as heroin, the damage it does is greater than a condom or a pill can protect against.  The ingrained nature of these biochemicals in the brain do lasting damage.  They may not walk away pregnant, but often (if not always) walk away scarred and increasingly less likely to form a life long bond with the mate they choose to get married to.  (Generalization of the stimulus… if anything can stimulate, then why not get anything… marriage is irrelevant)

Bible and Biochemistry

Gen 2:24 Gives the biblical formation for marriage.  Man shall leave his Father and Mother and be Joined to his wife.  (Leave and Cleave) Marriage is made for one on one contact.  Research strongly suggests that Vasopressin is a chemical agent in the brain that causes the “cleaving” to take place.  This chemical enhances our ability to form lifelong monogamous relationships with others.

Heb. 13:4: Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.  God specifically makes the marriage bed holy (set apart).  Fornication and adulterers are repeatedly warned of the damage of their actions in the Bible.   The chemicals mentioned above help this in a couple ways.   When a monogamous partnership is formed these chemicals reinforce positively the bonds of matrimony and essentially makes the two addicted to each other.  These chemicals provide short term pleasure, but also long term attachment to the other.   By building a healthy theology of sex, we see that God has created sex to be a sustainer and builder of the marriage relationship, not something to be taken lightly.  By being flippant with sex, we destroy the tools that God gives us to fortify the marital relationship.  (not saying that sex is all you need, but it is a major ingredient that God provides marriage to have it endure).

Premarital Sex and Behavioral Therapy.

God provides us with great opportunities and tools to remain in monogamous relationships and staying faithful to one another.  The danger, with premarital sex, is that it is cursed by God, and the biochemicals reinforce a behavioral term called generalization.   Meaning the human body learns that these chemicals can be released by anyone at anytime.  With that, faithfulness flies out the window.  The more partners one has, the more one is likely to see as a sexual/chemical conquest and not a relationship, not a life partner, something that can be easily be replaced.  Rather than being in love and building those God-Given bonds, they are replaced by building a biochemical feeling of ecstasy that can be fulfilled by anyone else (or oneself).

By Being Permissive about Premarital Sex, we tear at the God Given fabric of marriage.  Its like sewing two fabrics together then ripping them apart at the seams, sooner or later, that fabric is so frayed that it becomes relatively impossible to sew them together and have them adhere.  At best they won’t be like the fabric that has only been sewn together once.

Truth and Consequences

Youth leaders need to speak of these with our youth and their parents in both in terms of the above actions, but also in terms of consequences of the long and short term effects of living this type of lifestyle.   This may be a media tool that youth workers can wisely use to point out that it’s not a pain free experience, that sacrifices start the second you get pregnant.  That they don’t need to become a statistic, and they can live above the influence of our culture.

Check this book out:

Girls Uncovered

For a secular view of what I said above, check this out

Premarital sex, pornography and masturbation take what God has ordained out of it’s ordained domain.  Inside its proper domain, sex is the glue (even biochemical glue) that creates the bonds that hold marriages together.

Flee

1Cor. 6:18

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

• Run don't walk away from this temptation.
• Figure out when are your weak points, and AVOID THEM like the plague.
  • It may be a time of day, a place, etc whatever it is, you need to avoid the settings you find yourself accessing pornography.
• Kill your TV.
  • Seriously, kill it. Tons of crap on there, you don't need to be seeing if you are recovering.

Retrain the Brain

Matt. 18:7-9 “Woe to the world for temptations to sin!For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire.

• The more you dwell on it, the more you will think of it, the more you stumble…
• Go back to my post on Porn and the Brain. The longer you've been in this, the more retraining you need. Yes you may stumble (a few times), but keep at it and working to replace these addictions with other activities.
• DO something else, pray, read the Bible (install apps on your phone, tablet, computers)
  • Exercise, eat right.
• Install software to block these sights, give the passwords to someone else, your wife, accountability partner, pastor?
• www.covenanteyes.com
• www.netnanny.com
• Whatever else you need to do to escape and “cut off the things that make you sin” DO IT

Be where you need to be

• Read the story of Potiphar's wife in Genesis 39 and David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11. Being where you need to be will help you not stumble. David (the king) was still at home in the season where “Kings go off to war.” If he was where he needed to be… that whole thing might not have happened.
• Find safe places to go when you are stumbling. An accountability partner to commisserate with, a gym to work out in. Just don't stay in a secluded place and fight it yourself when it is coming on strong.

Remember the ABC's

• Antecedents Lead to Behaviors Lead to Consequences
• Antecedents are those things that set you up, your environment, your emotional state, your thought life, your prayer and devotional life… all set the table.
  • When I'm dieting I don't stock ice cream in the fridge… because when it is there it is GONE! Do whatever it takes to set yourself up for success.
• Behavior —
  • Pornography, masturbation and dwelling online on these activities (cyber sex) lead to a progression… lighter stuff leads to heaver… in all forms of sexual activity (its the way the brain is WIRED).
  • There is no handling it… you access it, it PWNS you!
• Consequences
• • If in ministry, especially one around teens, you need to get out and get well. Mixing those environments is an explosive mix that will do major harm to you, the teens and the ministry of God. Bow out gracefully and get help!
  • This is already destroying your marriage and/or other relationships you have with members of the opposite sex. (you just might not realize it yet)
  • Check my post on the Impact this has on your wife for more info.

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